HOPPING DOWN IN KENT
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THE JOURNEY
Guard: Come on everybody, all in single file? All aboard for Tonbridge, are you hoppers?
Peter and Sindy: Yes
Guard: how many?
Peter and Sindy: Two please
Guard: Hop on then, ha ha gettit?
(Peter and Sindy roll eyes and groan)
Sophia: Now, keep under the dress, don’t let him see you
Molly: Mum…
Sophia: Get back in! One please
Guard: Are you sure?
Sophia: Yes I’m very sure
Guard: Hop on then, ha ha gettit?
(Sophia groans and rolls eyes)
(Sophia pulls molly onto the train)
(On the train)
Sindy: (addressing a baby in her arms) stop wriggling or you wont get any supper!
Peter: Yeah and you Harry!
Molly: Ow, ow, mum stop stepping on me!
Sophia: Are you ticket officers?
Peter: No we’re regular hoppers
(Comes out from under skirt)
Molly: Yay! We’re going hopping! Where do I sit?
Sophia: Under here (points to seat)
Molly: Why, I want to sit on a seat!
Sophia: just shut up and get down
(Molly pops head up)
Sophia: HUSH little baby!
Sindy: Don’t worry, we’ll cover for you
Peter: We’ve brought some of our own
(Out pops their children)
Children: Hallo
Peter: Goodbye!
Peter: Keep it quiet, here comes the ticket collector
Molly: Mum, I need to go p…
Peter: We’ll have none of that, we’re in the country now.
Sophia: Does my little baby want a drink?
Sindy: Quick, hide your children
(Guard comes into the carriage)
Guard: Just the two of you?
Peter and Sindy: Yes (gives the guard their tickets)
Guard: Good afternoon, may I have your tickets?
Sophia: Okay
Molly: Ah, aatishoo!
Sindy: Atishoo, oh dear, such a nasty cold, do you have a hanky?
(Guard hands Sindy a hanky, she blows her nose and hands back the hanky)
Molly: Mum I really need too go for a
Sophia: That is a nasty cold!
Guard: Are you sure you don’t have a child down there? There were two parents in the last carriage who had children hidden under the seat? I have to check
Sophia: (cries) waaaaaa!
Sindy: (jumps over to seat next to her) How could you think such a thing? She is a single parent (whispers to Molly) get behind that seat now! (Says to the guard) she would never do something like that!
(Molly crawls to other side of train and hides under seat)
Guard: I’m terribly sorry madam. I honestly thought there was someone down there.
(Guard carries on to next carriage)
(Molly crawls back under her mother’s seat
Sophia: phew, aren’t you glad that’s over!
Molly: Mummy why have you stopped cry crying?
Sophia: I’ll tell you when you’re older
Molly: Humph (sits down next to mum)
Peter: Kids these days, dunno why we have them
Sindy: So where are you from (addresses Sophia)
Sophia: Southeast London, and you?
Sindy: We’re from Southern London, your first time hop picking?
Molly: Yep, it’s my first time
Sophia: I believe she was talking to me. As my daughter said, we are going hop picking, she gets very excited over things like this, she doesn’t get out much. Is it your first time?
Sindy: Oh me and him have been going hop picking for years now. Though this is the first time for some of our little ones, just hope they don’t eat the berries this time!
Peter: I ain’t going on those stilts this year, nearly broke my neck last time
Sindy: Oh, stop complaining. We’re going to the farm near Tonbridge, are you?
Sophia: Yeah. We usually go someplace else after that dreadful incident a couple of years back
Sindy: Do you want to talk about it?
Sophia: I’d rather not
Molly: oohh, what’s that?
Peter: That’s a cow
Molly: What’s a cow?
Sindy: A cow is where milk comes from?
Molly: I thought milk came from bottles?
Sophia: It comes from cows then goes into bottles
Molly: Oh, right
Peter: Anyway…
Molly: Ohhh, what’s that?
Sophia: That’s a tree
Molly: What’s a tree
Peter: A tree is where wood comes from
Molly: Looks interesting, can you climb it?
Sindy: Yes
Molly: Can you fall out of it?
Peter: Yes
Molly: Does it hurt?
Sindy and Peter: Yes
Molly: Wow, what’s that?
Sindy: That’s an oast house
Molly: What’s an oast house?
Sophia: An oast house is a building used for drying, storing and pressing of the crops.
Molly: and that is…
Sophia: an alley. That’s the space between two rows of hops.
Molly: Ohh, I get it!
Harry: Hey Dad, what’s that weird looking thing on the top of the oast thingy?
Peter: An Oast HOUSE! The thing on top is a cowl, it’s always turned so the opening is facing away from the wind, that way it stops down draughts.
Harry: How come you know so much?
Peter: This has been our holiday destination for the last 10 years!
Molly: What’s that stringy stuff?
Harry: Yeah, looks all funny
Sophia: That’s coir, it’s made from coconut hair
Molly: What, the milky stuff inside?
Peter: No, the hairy stuff outside
Sindy: Get back under the chair, here comes the guard
Sophia: Under my skirt, now!
Guard: Here we are, Tonbridge
(Everyone stand up to get of the train, as they are going down the steps, Molly says)
Molly: Ow, owch mum!
Guard: Are you sure you don’t have anyone under there?
Sindy: How rude! (Slaps the guard)
Peter: Molesting the womenfolk!
(As they depart the guard says)
Guard: These Londonfolk, huh! You can’t trust them!